It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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