and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
