I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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