after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
