sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
