I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His hands were made for my vagina.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
