Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
