Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize