when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
