Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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