we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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