k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
