When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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