South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
