You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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