Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
