Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
