Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
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would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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