When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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