Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have fence marks all over my body
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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