I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
