Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
