im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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