Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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