so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
