About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
a search helicopter?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
