You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
