And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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