take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
