I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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