one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
