You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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