im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
