I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
