when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
