I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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