He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
