everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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