I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
