im six kinds of drunk right now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
