Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
