im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
