remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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