When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
