10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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