she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
