I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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