i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
