mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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