just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
