i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
