Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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