By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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