Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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