...so i touched it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
