i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
