I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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