I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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