I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
