does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize