Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
