She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
