There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
