i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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