I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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