god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would fuck him just for his dog
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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