the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
