this beer tastes like vomit already
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
