The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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