why didn't you poke me back
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
