i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
