Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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