sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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