Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
