Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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