a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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