You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
