He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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