i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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