Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
