he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want her autograph on my taint
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
