Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
