Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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